Dear New-Girl
Hmm, giving advice to someone in your situation is, to say the least, not a simple issue. And for many reasons.
Only you know yourself, or put in another way - you know yourself best, know how much/little you love your husband and so on. And as you say yourself - then there is the kids.
That said, personally I have always found it important to be true to oneself, to be honest and to try to live life as honestly and fully as possible. If you truly are lesbian, it seems to me that to some extent you are living a lie, both to your family and to yourself.
I know women who have a similar history as you and who "broke" out. They have never regretted it, but it was hard at times, particularly where kids were involved. Luckily they lived in an open-minded environment and was not exposed to ridicule or prejudice and gradually all parties involved lived happy lives - as the saying goes: What does not break you only make you stronger.
I am not a mother and will not pretend to know all about kids. I am an aunt, but I know - it is not quite the same
However, I dare say that it need not be a "disaster" for the kids if you leave your husband in order to find your true self. Children sense things easily and maybe will not an unhappy mother be any better than a lesbian but happy mother?
Besides, children grow older and finally they move out to make their own lives - having a mother who has been honest and true may give them strength to dare to be themselves and follow their conscience when they are put in front of serious choices and crossroads.
Another aspect is that if your feelings are towards women in general, the teacher in particular, and your husband does not have your heart, maybe even have never quite had it, it will, in my view, be more honest and fair towards him to "set him free" and give him a chance to find someone who will love him in the same way as you love women/the teacher.
Maybe - but what do I know. Again - this is one of those decisions where you are very alone and were you will not know until afterwards if it was right. Guess I would have thought about what would be the worst in the long run.
However, you can rest assured that I would have supported you in your choice regardless of what you did. I may not have agreed, but I would have known how difficult life is and supported you
And maybe it would be a good idea to do as Goya suggests - to become closer with the teacher, see if you two hit it off and where it takes you. Maybe it isn`t as you thought, or maybe she is your one true love. Should it be the first, well, then you don´t have to worry any more. And should it be the latter, well, then you will at least be two about it (but of course, that is when you really have to make a choice. On the other hand - should she happen to be your true love, the choice may come easily to you).
Just my thoughts on a difficult issue (although maybe not so many answers) -
hugs,
Kathy
) I've finally bit the bullet to post for some advice.
