I was just wondering how many young women on this forum that want babies are married?
My husband and I married 3 months ago, but before we were married I was adamant that I didn't want to have children until we were married.
I know not all marriages work, but I think it gives a stronger foundation for raising a family. Nothing really changed after we married, aside from the increased sense of unity and team work.
I'm not passing any judgement, just wondering (two of my sisters have children with their partners).
I know your not passing judgement but why would marriage provide stronger foundation?
Me and my boyfriend have everything that a married couple have other than a ring, the same surname and a piece of paper that says we are married?
Posted: Mon Sep 22, 2008 10:12 am Post subject: Partner isnt ready
I'm in a similar boat, not quite the same, as my partner doesnt have any children yet, but all I have ever wanted was to have a family, and every time i try to bring up the subject of having kids, he keeps saying we'll talk about it later, and that he's not ready...I'd never force him into something he is not ready for but it's irritating because when we first started seeing each other i told him straight up my plan was to have kids within the next year or two and he was fine with that, but now that the time's come when I planned on starting a family, he's decided he's not ready. Part of me wishes he'd said to me a 2 years ago that he wasnt looking to settle down, because I wouldnt have given him the time of day. If someone isnt heading in the same direction as me, why would i bother starting something with them.
Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2008 11:55 am Post subject: Babies
I feel the same. I want a baby and the partner dont. I dont believe in marriage anymore. I dont want to get married and neither does he. He has a daughter that lives with him. But he aint ready for a baby. I dont want a planned baby i just want it to happen. To me there only thinking of themselves. And with him he is as he has been there before. done it all. His daughter is not mine and i want one of my own. If only he could see how much it means to me.
Posted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 10:26 am Post subject: Re: Partner isnt ready
old_soul wrote:
I'm in a similar boat, not quite the same, as my partner doesnt have any children yet, but all I have ever wanted was to have a family, and every time i try to bring up the subject of having kids, he keeps saying we'll talk about it later, and that he's not ready...I'd never force him into something he is not ready for but it's irritating because when we first started seeing each other i told him straight up my plan was to have kids within the next year or two and he was fine with that, but now that the time's come when I planned on starting a family, he's decided he's not ready. Part of me wishes he'd said to me a 2 years ago that he wasnt looking to settle down, because I wouldnt have given him the time of day. If someone isnt heading in the same direction as me, why would i bother starting something with them.
Oh Old_soul, I have every sympathy with you here. I am also in that same boat, however myself and DH have been together 13 years (from the ages of 23 and 25) and married for 5. He always said that having children was not top of his priorities, but (here comes the cliche ) " never say never" At the time I didn't give it a second thought because at the age of 23, kids were not top of my priority list either.
2 years ago at the sprightly age of 34, I brought up the subject of having children as I felt ready, and his reaction was "not a hope"
I just put this down to shock reaction and gave him time to think about it, but as the 2 years have passed, his reaction to having children has gradually got more and more negative. If he had told me before we married that he never wanted kids, I would have cut my losses and walked away. Now I feel slightly trapped and I don't want to get a few years further down the line and find myself resenting him.
I hope you can sort things out with your SO because I wouldn't ever want someone else to paint themselves into a corner as I so patently have
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) " never say never" At the time I didn't give it a second thought because at the age of 23, kids were not top of my priority list either.