by azpowergirl1 on Mon Apr 04, 2005 11:14 am
Please read this letter I wrote to the judge to get a restraining order against my ex-bf.....a narcissistic, self absorbed, conniving sociopath. Don't walk away, ladies...RUN! These men are wired wrong and will NEVER change! Watch out for a handsome 47 year old man named XON in AZ....he'll take you for everything you've got!
Dear Your Honor,
Although I will have the opportunity to explain the following to you in your court, I believe that it would be best summed up in writing. I need to explain to you why it is imperative that I obtain a restraining order against my ex-boyfriend, XLS.
I met Mr. S on April 1, 1999. I was still married to my husband of 18 years, but we were separating and I had a deposit on an apartment in the same complex where Mr. S resided. We met and I thought, felt instantly in love. That meeting prompted me filing for a divorce, and I moved in with Mr. S. within 2 weeks of our meeting. He absolutely swept me off my feet, and we were inseparable. We lived in an apartment setting for a year, and then, after I received my divorce settlement, decided to move west of the valley, purchase a home, and buy horses together. It was at that point that I LOANED Mr. S. $10,000. The home was to be OURS, although I allowed him to put it solely in his name because my credit was less than desirable after my divorce. I thought everything was an absolute fairytale and loved Mr. S. like no other. I used to cash my paychecks and just give him the money for our living expenses, and could not have seen what was about to happen coming. In August of 2000, we went on a cattle drive and Mr. S. was nearly crushed by his horse. I was beside myself, thinking my “soul-mate” would be crippled for life or worse, die. I nursed him back to health, waiting on him hand and foot in order to help the compression fracture in his back heal. By November, he was much better. So much better, in fact, that he told me right after my 40th birthday and just before Thanksgiving that he “never loved me and never would” and threw me out of our home. Needless to say, I was devastated. My whole world collapsed around me. I was left homeless, with a horse, 2 puppies and three children. I had a horribly paying job and a vehicle that broke down almost daily. Mr. S. did not care about any of this and didn’t even help me move. I asked him when he told me to leave if this meant we were over forever…that I was supposed to go out and date someone else. He told me to “just use a condom”. Shortly thereafter, he started coming around again….stopping by to tell me that he was wrong, that he wanted me back and that he wanted to “grow old with me”. He stated, through tears, that he had gotten caught up in a huge . mess. He swore that he owed the “mob” 1.5 million dollars and that he had to live at an east valley . to pay off the debt. I sobbed again, thinking that his life was in danger. For the next 2 years, I waited patiently for him, worrying every night that he would be killed….asking him every month what his new indebtedness was. He gave me a decreasing amount each month, and by September of 2002 he said he was finally paid off. I helped him get a new job and he said he was working hard to provide a future for “us”, although I began to catch him in various lies. He had an explanation for each one, and I chose to believe him because I couldn’t imagine someone professing their love for me, and yet stabbing me in the back at the same time. Mr. S. had since sold the home we had, did not pay me back a red cent, and invested the proceeds in a small home in Tonopah, AZ, right next door to the one I was living in. He said we could live in one and rent out the other, and that it would be our little “love shack”. Mind you, Mr. S. continued to come to me for sexual gratification at least twice a week. Again, I allowed this because I believed him and believed we would grow old together.
In November of 2002, I found an address of ******. He claimed he was traveling alot with his new job, and when I questioned the Scottsdale address, he claimed it was his “. .” sponsors, Nancy Hyttel and her husband, Mike. He begged me not to go to the address to confirm this story, stating that they had a restraining order out against me (which made no sense) and that going to the address would “ruin my life”. I went anyway. That’s when I found out that Mr. S. had been living with Nancy Hyttel, possibly as her husband, for the entire duration. Again, my world collapsed. By this time we had a wedding date planned…I had my dress, the bridesmaid’s dresses and all the flowers made. He had proposed marriage to me several times…down on his knee in front of my then 77 year old mother; in front of my children with a huge banner that read “NA___ will you marry me?” Little did I know that Nancy Hyttel’s middle initial is also “A”. All of his lies began to fall into place.
Mr. S. denied having anything to do with Ms. Hyttel. He claimed she was a fling; that he only had sex with her 5 times; that the sex was horrible; that she was flat chested and had a huge belly. He claimed she was clingy, possessive and controlling and that she “would not leave him alone.” The various messages I found out later that they continued to send to eachother, however, proved otherwise.
Your honor, by now I imagine you must think that I don’t even remotely have a brain in my head. I must remind you, however, that I had come from an extremely unhappy marriage, and all of the promises Mr. S. made sounded so true and convincing. Mr. S. continued to profess his innocence…he would cry to my children, threaten suicide if I left him, and each time I attempted to move on with a new beau he would come around full throttle….threatening those men and telling them that “I was his woman”. The most recent of these incidents was in January of this year when he attempted to run a suitor off the freeway access road on his motorcycle. Again, he succeeded in scaring away any chance I had at happiness.
Please see the attached copies of cards Mr. S. has given me recently, still professing his love. I also am providing you with voice mail messages. Mr. S., in the past, has had a key to my home without my knowledge and would leave flowers by my bed, or cards for me to read, begging me to marry him and live with him forever. However, each time I asked him to “come home” (I have since purchased my own home), he would find another excuse for not committing.
Mr. S. has also told me far-fetched stories about being in protective FBI custody (Jan. 2003), moving to Illinois for work (March 2003) and still, not being involved with Ms. Hyttel. He also claimed that he impregnated Ms. Hyttel previous to March of 2001, and that she had a D&C to end the pregnancy. That, he claimed, explained why he secretly got a vasectomy around the same time. He stated that he never wanted a relationship, let alone children with Ms. Hyttel. However, one month ago, I found that he had placed Ms. Hyttel on the deed to his Tonopah property (the one he used my money for) as his beneficiary. According to the assessor’s records, Ms. Hyttel placed him on her deed as well, the following day. Please see the proof of this that I am also supplying you. Mr. S. claims that Ms. Hyttel is a notary, and that he merely used her as a trustee, should something have happened to him when he rode his motorcycle to Sturgis for their bike week. He claims that he revoked the beneficiary status, however, has never provided me with any proof.
Your honor, April 1, 2004 was to be our 5th year anniversary. During the past 3 ½ years he has had secret phone numbers and various email addresses; obviously to keep at least 2 women controlled in some type of maniacal, love-torn relationship. He has purchased motorcycles, claiming that he’d give them to me “if I married him”. He has lied about his whereabouts constantly, and each time he is caught in a lie he adamantly denies any wrongdoing, usually blaming another person or me for “not trusting him”. His lies and empty promises have been so earth-shattering that I fear I may never recover. He has had his son and “born-again Christian” mother lie to me about his whereabouts. The thought of others being this deceitful as well, sickens me. I simply cannot put up with his antics any longer. All along I thought I could help the hurting little boy that I thought was inside this sociopath. He even went to several counseling sessions with me to “fix” our relationship! He cried to the therapists, even though they were quick enough to see right through his “crocodile tears”.
He has hurt my children, my mother, and has caused me to seek therapy. I cannot eat, sleep, or perform my job adequately. I work in a dangerous environment with high voltage electricity, poisonous chemicals, and combustible gasses. The emotional abuse he has inflicted has completely ruined any chance I have at a normal, trusting, loving relationship and I need it to STOP.
I wrongly attempted to contact Ms. Hyttel for the truth many times after I found out about her. I wanted to warn her about what he was doing….that he was “playing her” as well. She, however, chose to get a restraining order against me, probably at Mr. S. prompting, so that he could stay there without getting caught. Just the fact that Mr. S. could continually have sex with me AND THEN return home to Ms. Hyttel for more is absolutely disgusting. I am ashamed of myself that I chose to believe him and trust that he loved me for so long. Honestly, your honor, I never merely “had sex” with Mr. S. I believed that I was making love with the man that would love me AND ONLY ME forever.
Sir, after I found out about the beneficiary information, I logged onto my computer under the screen name that I had provided Mr. S. at my home. I then found that he had been on the computer, searching for various “poisons”. This petrifies me. Not only for my family’s safety, but also for Ms. Hyttel, since Mr. S. would definitely benefit from her demise. He has made it quite clear that the only way he can succeed at anything and appear to be something that he is not, is to take advantage of a woman. He has wanted the “best of both worlds” and I refuse to let him have the best of mine any longer.
Mr. S. has at least one gun that I know of. He has shot it off before, trying to make me believe that he shot himself. I cannot express how emotionally debilitating this whole thing has been….the man that I thought fulfilled every dream has turned my world into a nightmare, and won’t quit coming around, calling, leaving notes, gifts and flowers, still professing his love for me. He masks his cruel intentions by fixing my pool, helping with various home repairs, and acting as if he really cares about my welfare. He even slept at the hospital all night on December 9, 2003 when I had spinal surgery. He is very good at appearing honest….it is just that everyone in my circle knows different and has been warning me about him even before he kicked me out of our home.
Your honor, I simply cannot handle this any longer. I fear for my safety…emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. I believe that Mr. S. is a danger to himself and to those around him. I cannot protect any woman he gets involved with next, but have to concentrate on protecting myself, my family and the belongings I have worked so hard for.
PLEASE, I implore you, grant me this order of protection. Please see to it that Mr. S. stays away from me and my loved ones. I can’t believe that I am crying as I type this, but this is a very hard thing for me to do. I somehow believed all along that “love would conquer all” and that I would finally have the soul-mate that I waited so long for. Now it is evident that Mr. S. is a “wolf in sheep’s clothes” and will do everything possible to empower himself, sadly at the cost of others.
Please keep Mr. S. from checking my mail (my income tax check is missing and I suspect he has taken it). Please prohibit him from calling, emailing, checking up on me at work, and harassing my family. Please restrain him from harassing any new beau I might attract.
Please help me find closure. My heart needs to heal, and I need to be able to love again.
Thank you.
WE CAN ALL HEAL. I am walking through the pain right now and will come out the other side stronger because of it!
