im ready...he isnt

carsam1 · Hello. I am New! Talk to Me Joined: 22 Jul 2008 Posts: 1

Im 20 and my boyfriends 33. We've been going out for just over 2 years. For the past 5 months ive been feeling incredably broody. We've talked several times but he wants to wait for atleast 5 years because he dosnt think he his ready. We are living together, i have a part time job and he has quite a well paid full time job. Im just worried that i dont think i can wait 5 years. He says he defently wants kids but just not yet. Aswell because of the age difference he will be 38 then and i feel that maybe to late to start trying!

jannyjanny · Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 8:50 am Post subject:

Hi,
Do one thing try to convince your boyfriend by saying that for a complete family there is a need of a kid.

http://www.yeastinfectionadvice.com

daystrom · Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 12:52 am Post subject:

Well my advice is this. Ask him why he feels he is not ready. Find out what it is that is giving him hesitation. There is certainly nothing wrong with taking this decision very seriously as it appears that he is doing. At the end of the day, another human life is involved here. That being said, discuss the matter more with him. It is quite clear that there is something that is keeping him from moving forward with this right now in his life, so find out what that is and explore it, discuss it and determine if his reason(s) for hesitation are justified. You (and he) may discover that they are not and he may come around.

With regard to the age thing, its really not a factor. 38 is certainly not too old to have a baby and you will still only be 25, very young. My girl and I are in a similar situation, she in her early 20s and me early 30s and we just recently started trying for a child, although I am sorry to say that she miscarried. But I digress. So yeah, my advice is to talk about it, communication. Get this out in the open and isolate his concerns. Talk about them, and more importantly, listen to him and respect his concerns on the matter. If they are things that you feel that you can assuage, then by all means do so. You both may find that after talking this out you will be ready to try and have kids now, but again, maybe not, and if he is still not willing to budge on the matter just yet, do not give up all hope. 5 years is a long time and much can change. He may have a complete turn around in another year or so, depending on what his reasons for waiting are (I could speculate from a guys perspective and throw out some possible reasons, but I really would rather not).

In any event, I wish you the best of luck with all of this. As I said, talk to him, its the best advice that I can come up with. Good luck, I wish you well.

regards,

Ray

Winston Smith · Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 2:20 pm Post subject:

He doesn't want kids. Best you accept it. It was the main reason why my first marriage split up...she wanted, I didn't and there can never be a compromise. I still haven't changed my opinion of having children and never will. Some men (and women) just don't want them and there is nothing wrong with that.

snappy120_2 · Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 4:27 pm Post subject:

You can't force him too
A kid will never be happy growing up if it is obvious that one parent isn't interested

Ivan Diederhoff · Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 7:33 pm Post subject:

38 for him is no big deal. He'll be able to perform at that age. 25 for you is a prime time for child bearing, really. I don't recommend trying to change his mind, talk him into it, or in any other way force the issue. Let's say you do, and take matters into your own hands, do you understand what kind of feelings of resentment you could create? If he isn't ready, bringing a child into a resentful situation isn't going to any good. You might also drive a wedge between you if you press the issue now. A wedge that could implode your relationship. Are these possibilities worth it?