I Can't Orgasm!

helen writes:

I've been dating for some time this really great guy and for 2 months now we've started to get intimate.The problem is I cant orgasm ( not even when masturbating),something that has become really frustrating especially for him .Im desperate, I love him so...this thing is killing us both.Any advice is more than welcomed.

Yin's Answer

The problem here is that you are putting yourself under too much pressure to orgasm. Stress is one of the most common reasons for lack or orgasm and will only make the problem worse.

The best thing to do is try to relax before sex. Have a nice long bath, light some candles, have a massage- or do whatever gets you in the mood. It might be hard but try not to think about orgasming the whole way through sex. Just enjoying touching each others bodies, kissing and being close to one another. An orgasm will come naturally when you are relaxed and comfortable.

If there is anything your boyfriend could be doing to help sex feel better for you it is important that you tell him- and vice versa- that way you can learn together and start enjoying sex on a whole new level.

Yang's Answer

We get this all the time on here- and the answer is simple- chill the hell out!! Orgasms are fab but they aren't that easy to achieve for us girls and we put too much pressure on ourselves to perform.

However, I think the first step for you is to learn to orgasm through masturbation. It's a real treat when you get it right. Try spending a night in on your own, light some candles, put on some sexy underwear and make yourself comfy. Begin by stroking your body all over and appreciating all your favourite parts. This will definitely get you feeling sexy. You can also invest in some sex toys for a bit of added plesure- a small clitoral vibrator is a great way to start. It's discreet enough to hide in your knicker draw and is a great aid for masturbation and also use during sex.

It may also help to use a mirror to watch yourself while you masturbate. This helps you see what really gets you going and means you can show your man exactly where you like to be touched.

As Yin says you need to relax and enjoy sex and then you will start coming all over the place. Experimenting with foreplay is also a great way to increase sexual feeling. Doing something that really turns you on is a great start- whether that be using a vibrator on yourself, watching porn or reading some erotic literature to each other- all these things can help you feel super sexy.