I Want To Be a Teenage Mum

Bex writes:

I know this is weird but I am only young. I am sitting my GCSEs in summer 2009. Hoever that is not my worries. My mind is elsewhere. I have been going out with my boyfriend for about 4 months now and a part of me really wants to have a baby. I haven't been thinking about anything else. I am not like other teenage girls these days who just take life as it comes. I am the kind of girl who grasps every oppurtunity. And right now I am currently working on my best selling book that I hope to have a published when it is finished and when I can find a pulisher. So with this, if it works, and if I can get it published, then I should have a bit of money, then I should be able to do well. And then if I am pregnant then I can bring my baby up in a safe and caring way. I really do want this. It is the reason why I have been depressed for weeks now. Even though most adults say that kids don't get depression, well they are wrong. I really am depressed. Please help x

Yin's Answer

Okay I'm not going to do the obvious mum thing and tell you that you're too young to have a baby....but please consider things a little more carefully before you rush into anything.

A baby is a massive commitment that will change your life forever. It's not something that should be taken lightly. Not only does a child take up a lot of time and attention but they also cost a lot of money. I'm assuming that you still live with your parents? Therefore are you planning to live in their house with you child? It's all very well that you will have money but if you really are set on having a baby then perhaps you should use this money to get settled and find somewhere to live first.

If you were to have a baby you will also be missing out on a lot of things other girls your age are doing....ask any teenage mum and tehy will tell you.....you may feel like it's the right thing now but when all your friends are out having fun and you have other responsibilities you may regret it. All the things you experience as a teenager are an important part of growing up and help you develop yourself as a person- do you want to miss out on this by forcing yourself to grow up too fast?

Another thing to consider is your education....you sound like a bright girl so why aren't you considering going to college and even university when you finish school? If you are a keen writer than you would enjoy studying English or Creative Writing.

Basically my advice is to consider things a lot more carefully before jumping into having a baby and then later regretting it.

Yang's Answer

Enough of the softly, softly appraoch Yin...what on earth are you thinking?! Having a baby at your stage in life would just be selfish and irresponsible.

As Yin said- you're probably still living at home and are still at school so you aren't earning a regular wage- so how do you expect to support a child? Fair enough if you do get a book deal- which quite frankly I wouldn't count on until it happens- but is that money going to last forever? No.

There is no rule to say when a woman can and can't feel maternal but common sense should tell you to wait. If you have the maturity to be a mother then you will have the maturity to see why it will be better for you to wait. You've got plenty of years left to start having a family so why rush into it.

You also say you have only been with your boyfriend for 4 months. How does he feela bout becoming a dad? Don't forget there are two of you to consider here. It's not fair to trick him into something so life-changing if he isn't properly ready for it. I suggest you spend more time getting to know eachother and enjoying eachothers company before you make such a serious decision. Having a baby is tough on any relationship so why add the extra stress already?

If being a mother really is the most important thing to you then why not spend the next few years making sure you're ready to provide for a baby. Get a good education and a job you enjoy and set up a home for you and your family. That way when the time does come to have a baby you will be set up to offer everything you possibly can to your child.

Please think about the bigger picture before you do something that I promise you will regret later.